12 C
Tuesday, July 5, 2022

McDonald’s launches new specialty – low-calorie apples

“Low-calorie apples are just the start,” McDonald’s confirmed. The British variety will enter the market after the Brexit transition and will be “a semi-healthy option”, in which ‘semi’ means “incredibly healthy” in American English.

A strange commotion took place at the annual Apple conference in San Jose on Tuesday evening. McDonald’s executives – now known as “the Apple crashers”, grabbed the presenter’s microphone and swiftly set the record straight.

“From today, we’re bringing healthy back to McDonald’s. We give you – the apple.”

American consumers can now enjoy these delicious apples in all 16,000 outlets, while the Brits will need to wait until after the Brexit transition period when the UK will sign a trade deal with the United States.

“Brits will need to wait until after the Brexit transition period”

The spokesperson has told Fred Bloggs that the British version will be extra spicy to satisfy all the racists who secretly adore Indian cuisine.

The calorie intake for one apple can range anywhere from 800 to 2,000 with added steroids and hormones, a real specialty in America, and introducing Nigerian worms, which will add that glorious taste of insects we all adore so, so much.

Subscribe to our super-duper newsletter

You surely want to be updated with all the latest spoof news and special announcements. Sounds exciting, doesn't it?

This is a weekly newletter, every Friday. Unsubscribe anytime.

>> Enjoy Our Editorial Cartoons >>

Latest Nonsense

8 tips on how to get a smokin’ hot bod by Boris Johnson

There's still enough time to lose some weight this summer. But forget sweating while working out; you could get a stunning hot bod if you follow Boris Johnson's tips without making the big stretch.

Huge 6,7” iPhone 12 will come with 24 camera lenses to make sure company stays competitive and innovative

The company that invented hugely successful AirPower and stands behind the success of explodingly explosive MacBook batteries and bending iPhone 6's has got the next big thing.

Ghost of Edward Colston holds banquet in Priti Patel’s honour

Pretty Pathetic has been invited to a  “thank you” banquet feast hosted by the ghost of Edward Colston, whose statue was toppled down in Bristol in the midst of a protest that she called “utterly disgraceful”.

SOLUTION: The homeless could buy themselves houses, Luke Hall suggests

After suggesting that rough sleepers could move in with their family or friends, Luke Hall, homelessness minister, admits that that was perhaps a little too rational on his part.