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Tuesday, July 5, 2022

McDonald’s launches new specialty – low-calorie apples

“Low-calorie apples are just the start,” McDonald’s confirmed. The British variety will enter the market after the Brexit transition and will be “a semi-healthy option”, in which ‘semi’ means “incredibly healthy” in American English.

A strange commotion took place at the annual Apple conference in San Jose on Tuesday evening. McDonald’s executives – now known as “the Apple crashers”, grabbed the presenter’s microphone and swiftly set the record straight.

“From today, we’re bringing healthy back to McDonald’s. We give you – the apple.”

American consumers can now enjoy these delicious apples in all 16,000 outlets, while the Brits will need to wait until after the Brexit transition period when the UK will sign a trade deal with the United States.

“Brits will need to wait until after the Brexit transition period”

The spokesperson has told Fred Bloggs that the British version will be extra spicy to satisfy all the racists who secretly adore Indian cuisine.

The calorie intake for one apple can range anywhere from 800 to 2,000 with added steroids and hormones, a real specialty in America, and introducing Nigerian worms, which will add that glorious taste of insects we all adore so, so much.

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