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Tuesday, August 16, 2022

NHS staff will go out for a round of applause for Boris Johnson, Johnson confirms

Downing Street welcomes the plea to end ‘Clap for Carers’ by its founder, the Dutch-born Londoner Ms Annemarie Plas, who said the initiative has “become too politicized”.

A nation-wide initiative that showed the public’s appreciation for the NHS (National Health Service) and other front-line workers will now end with a new NHS-only awareness-raising applause congratulating Prime Minister Boris Johnson and his cabinet ministers for a job well done.

“We should all give a big thumbs-up to Mr Johnson and his team for being there for us during these hard times”, Johnson reiterates, continuing: “This’ll be a beautiful, self-congratulatory duty to all of us who make sacrifices.”

Screwme Somemore, a Kent-based nurse who admires Mr Johnson’s willingness to fu** the NHS up even more, expresses her gratitude to the Prime minister:

“Thank you Boris, thank you for giving us hope, thank you for using the NHS and being completely ignorant but diligent when it comes to providing PPE, ventilators and testing the nation. And most of all, thank you for being in a position of power so we know we can count on you in the future.”

“Foreign NHS workers will not get paid for the occassion, because – why would they,”

The new NHS Clap for Boris will begin as soon as next week. Foreign NHS workers will not get paid for the occassion, because – why would they, and will be happily punished for being foreign by self-imposing a slap in the face.

The government recommends that all NHS clappers show their appreciation the same way the public did weeks ago by not just clapping, but cheering, playing intruments and banging big ol’ saucepans.

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