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Friday, January 28, 2022

SOLUTION: The homeless could buy themselves houses, Luke Hall suggests

After suggesting that rough sleepers could move in with their family or friends, Luke Hall, homelessness minister, admits that that was perhaps a little too rational on his part.

He suggests that councils should consider all options including providing the homeless with a contact list of real estate agents and brokers, so they can finally buy themselves homes worth living in.

“The homeless must have some sort of savings. I heard that they move most of their assets into rising stocks, which I don’t fully understand, but I hear they are made of cashmere”, adds the minister, saying that he will look into it as soon as he’s stopped being an incompetent, little, out-of-touch cunt.

Hall determined to end the never-ending crisis

Minister Hall has given notice to all English councils to produce a “next steps” plan of where rough sleepers should be housed next.

After facing the backlash from the councils and Labour MPs, Conservatives supported Hall’s commitment to end the never-ending homelesness crisis and supported his other ideas.

“Let them commit crimes or do even less damaging things. Let them eat cake! Because everything will be just fine. We’ll bring the cherries. They’re on us!”

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