2.3 C
London
Friday, January 28, 2022

SOLUTION: The homeless could buy themselves houses, Luke Hall suggests

After suggesting that rough sleepers could move in with their family or friends, Luke Hall, homelessness minister, admits that that was perhaps a little too rational on his part.

He suggests that councils should consider all options including providing the homeless with a contact list of real estate agents and brokers, so they can finally buy themselves homes worth living in.

“The homeless must have some sort of savings. I heard that they move most of their assets into rising stocks, which I don’t fully understand, but I hear they are made of cashmere”, adds the minister, saying that he will look into it as soon as he’s stopped being an incompetent, little, out-of-touch cunt.

Hall determined to end the never-ending crisis

Minister Hall has given notice to all English councils to produce a “next steps” plan of where rough sleepers should be housed next.

After facing the backlash from the councils and Labour MPs, Conservatives supported Hall’s commitment to end the never-ending homelesness crisis and supported his other ideas.

“Let them commit crimes or do even less damaging things. Let them eat cake! Because everything will be just fine. We’ll bring the cherries. They’re on us!”

Subscribe to our super-duper newsletter

You surely want to be updated with all the latest spoof news and special announcements. Sounds exciting, doesn't it?

This is a weekly newletter, every Friday. Unsubscribe anytime.

>> Enjoy Our Editorial Cartoons >>

Latest Nonsense

U-turns to be included in the next Tory manifesto

The next Conservative manifesto will also restore public trust, boost affordable housing, reinstate Public Health England, bring people back from the dead (Thatcher) and James Cleverly's and Priti Patel's favourite: make Ben and Jerry's ice cream less expensive.

The Process of Ending the Lockdown

  Need a Commercial or Non-Commercial license? Click HERE.

8 tips on how to get a smokin’ hot bod by Boris Johnson

There's still enough time to lose some weight this summer. But forget sweating while working out; you could get a stunning hot bod if you follow Boris Johnson's tips without making the big stretch.